Breaking Point
by BereniceAndrea
Summary: The last few weeks of Ziva's life had been more than she could take. The walls that she had built around her heart and protected her for so long were starting to choke her. How much more can she take before those walls come down for good? *Tiva*
1. Chapter 1

**Just started this and although I'll eventually go Tiva, I have no idea where this is going, so bear with me... Suggestions and critics are welcome. **

**Disclaimer: Not my characters. Otherwise, Tiva would be canon.**

* * *

Ziva David sighed as she opened the door to her apartment. She was tired both physically and mentally and lacked the strength to pretend otherwise. She threw her keys at the coffee table, took her shoes off and sat on the couch.

It had been a terrible week. Everyone had been on edge as the team was being investigated. She thought she was Parson's target all along. And she deserved it. But instead they went after Gibbs, who had of course protected her. Them. The team. And they had shown the same loyalty as Tony, McGee and herself had turn in their badges to Vance.

Ziva closed her eyes as a tear run down her cheek. She wasn't sad about that. She would do it again in a heartbeat. All of them would. But Ziva couldn't help but feel lost. She had lost so much in life already. And now she had lost her second family too. She was not a superstitious person, but she knew she had to be cursed by God himself to be able to bear so much pain for a relatively young life.

By now she was almost sobbing, which came to her as a surprise. Ziva David did not sob. She did not cry. She heard these last words in her head spoken in the voice of her father.

That was all she could take, as feelings and memories rushed to her bruised heart. Ziva stood up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. She opened the fridge as she searched for alcohol. When she found a bottle of vodka, which she had no idea why or how was in there, she poured herself some in a glass and started drinking. And she repeated the process until her brain was a little numb and her heart hurt a little less.

She was definitely not destined to have a happy ending. How could she? She had a lifetime of evidence to the contrary. Every person she had cared about in her early life had left her- mother, sister, friends- and all who remained had betrayed her- Ari, her father, her Mossad coworkers- And everyone who fell in between, all of whom she deeply cared about that had neither died nor betrayed her, she had managed to hurt herself, either physically or emotionally.

She was not entitled to a happy ending because everything remotely close to happy, she managed to screw up…

An image of Tony popped into her head. The look of sad and betrayal that he had given her when he asked her about Adam.

In all the years they had worked together, they're relationship had grown immensely. Tony was her best friend and probably the person who knew her better. Which meant, she had the most to lose if she screw that up. She wasn't stupid; she knew her partner's feelings towards her had developed into something more that friendship. So had hers. She wasn't sure what it was, and she was too afraid to think about it and was not drunk enough for it, but she knew Tony was his closest friend. The one who knew her a little too well. It was around him, actually, that she remembered letting herself cry. Be vulnerable…

America had really made her softer, she thought, as she poured what she believe was her fourth glass of vodka. Just as she was about to laugh at her own self, she remembered Gibbs and what he would say to her. "Vulnerability is not a weakness, Ziva, it's a strength".

So instead of laughing, she let herself cry, for once, in peace. Gibbs. The father figure that had walked into her life all those years ago and made her feel protected from her own demons, and now had just as easily left her. And it was all her fault. Ziva owned him everything and the man had taken the fault for her own mistakes. She had let him down, and she had let herself down. She wanted to break rule #6 and apologize to him for a lifetime of mistakes, but he had been MIA since he'd accepted some sort of mission she knew nothing about.

By now alcohol had made her tipsy and Ziva wanted to talk to someone more than anything. She needed to say how it was all her fault, how she had let Gibbs down, how she had hurt Tony, which she regretted more than anything, how she still felt guilty as hell over Ari's death, how she felt betrayed and unloved by Eli and yet she had wanted revenge and to have him back in her life. How she wanted to crawl into bed and not get up some mornings, how she missed her sister and how she'd love to see the person she'd become, how she missed her mother. Ziva wanted to talk about anything and everything and the part of her brain that was still not drunk knew she couldn't. Because that was not who Ziva was. She was the calmed ninja trained in torture techniques that would just act like everything was okay when deep down she was dying. She couldn't talk to anyone because letting someone in meant that parson would become a target. They'd either end up dead by anyone of the many enemies Ziva had all over the world and they'd end up hurt so badly by Ziva herself that they'd go away. And that would kill her.

But the alcohol had lowered her defenses so much that she didn't even care when she dialed Tony's number while still crying. She was done thinking. She was done hurting. She was done being alone. She needed someone. She needed him.

"DiNozzo" he answered at the first ring. But she didn't speak for what it felt like minutes. Part of her was gathering her thoughts and the other part wasn't sure what to say.

"Hi Tony" she finally blurted out, half drunk, half scared.

"Ziva" he said, more a question of concern than a statement. It was late for his partner to be calling him out of the blue and she sounded a little… off. "Everything okay there?"

Tony heard her '_not even close'_ laugh on the other end of the phone. He could tell something was up with her.

"I am sorry, to have called this late Tony. I just…" she couldn't find words. She actually couldn't find thoughts. She closed her eyes as a tear run down her cheek.

Tony must have noticed it because his playful tone suddenly changed. He was all serious and worried about her now. "Are you hurt? Are you in your house? Stay there, I'll come right over" he finished the sentence before she could even open her mouth.

She nodded, not realizing he couldn't see her over the phone, so when he didn't instantly reply she gave him a firmly 'yes' in response to make up for it.

Ziva hung up the phone, not knowing what to expect. She was in no condition to think. She was not interested in thinking. She just wanted, for the first time in her life; to pour her heart out to someone she trusted and let her walls come down. Even if she knew better.

Tony grabbed his jacket as he let the beer bottle by the sink. He grabbed his car keys and headed towards the door, wondering what was going on inside the head of that Israeli partner of his. Ziva never lost her cool and Tony was worried. He promised himself he would do anything in his power to help her tortured soul in any way he could, and if he was lucky, even put a smile on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Not mine, even if I want it really badly.**

* * *

No longer than 10 minutes had passed when Ziva heard the door bell ring. It took almost all of her will power to leave the semi comfortable position she had found in the kitchen stool while drinking, to get up and open the door.

Tony looked at her with genuine concern as he stepped inside her apartment without muttering a word. When she closed the door and turned around to face him, he was standing no more than a finger's length away, serious as a shark attack and looking directly into her soul.

She felt unworthy and intimidated instantly. "Don't" she muttered, before drifting her gaze to the wall. Between Tony's invasion of her personal space and feeling lightheaded because of the alcohol Ziva lost her balance. Tony realized what was happening even before she did as he grabbed her by the elbows. He was always there to catch her when she fell.

A sudden feeling of gratitude overwhelmed her and brought tears to her eyes.

"Hey, I'm here" he said, not letting her go. She nodded, unable to make a sound.

He took her hand gently and guided her to sit on the couch and sat down to her right, facing her. When he tried to speak, Ziva shook her head, letting him know that words were not necessary. But still, she talked. "I am sorry, Tony". She wanted to simply apologize, but couldn't help it when her drunken brain kept going.

She took a deep breath, and for the first time in her life, Ziva David let her walls fall down.

She opened her eyes and looked straight at Tony, spilling her guts to the last ache in her tortured heart.

* * *

She knew there was a part of her –the part that carried so much death and torture provoked to others by no one but herself- that had died in Somalia the summer of her captivity, a punishment she had come to consider fit as she waited for death to come greet her like an old friend. But it didn't. Instead, she'd been saved by the man standing in front of her and their team, their family. She had been given a second chance that days like today she didn't know if she deserved. Days like today would bring everything she's done a lifetime ago back to the surface and the pain and guilt would kill her.

Tony stroked her hair, trying to comfort her, but the sound he made calling her name was muted by her own sobbing. Days like these she wondered how a person could take so much and still be alive. Her walls were a defense mechanism for a reason; they had kept her alive all these years. So why, on days like today, did she feel she was choking and dying?

Without even realizing it, she had welcomed Tony's embrace as she cried to his chest. He had silently tugged her into his arms and planted tender kisses on her forehead as the sobbing ceased enough for her to talk.

"Tony" she had managed and the warm expression in her swallowed eyes killed him. He smiled gently to her, reassuringly, and kissed her again.

* * *

The very special agent (well, former agent) Anthony DiNozzo couldn't believe it. In all of the years that Ziva had been his partner and after everything that they'd been through, he had not had, until today, the slightest idea of what was going on through her head at any given time. He was both amazed by how much that woman could take on her own (and surprised that she hadn't exploded yet) and sadden that she felt alone, miserable, guilty and unworthy. Especially when he had spent the last few years trying to prove that she was exactly the opposite.

He hugged her tight. "Ziva, look at me" he said, a single tear tracing his cheeks. When she calmed herself enough, she looked at Tony. He read her expression and smiled. "You don't need to be ashamed. What you've done has made you who you are. Your choices brought you to right here and right now, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. Ziva David you're a good person who's had to make very difficult choices in her life. I'm proud of who you are" he smiled again, reassuring her that he meant every word.

"Thank you, Tony. For listening, for having my back. For being my partner." she sighed, not letting go of his embrace. She felt safe there. And she wanted that feeling to last forever. She closed her eyes, not realizing until that moment how tired she truly was. It was logical, since she hadn't really slept in days.

Tony saw how Ziva's body try to find a more comfortable position while still in his arms and he smiled to himself. He hugged her more tightly, reassuring he was not going anywhere. "Sleep tight" he whisper to her ear, as her head rested on his shoulder and closed his eyes. They both fell asleep, and before going into complete darkness, Ziva felt a huge weigh off her shoulders already.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not my characters, even if I ofter imagine they are.**

**Author's note: So I decided to introduce another character to give the story and the plot some color. I think I have a pretty clear idea now of where I wanna go with this, so let me know what you think. I swear I am going somewhere in the end. Enjoy!**

* * *

When Ziva David woke up the following morning she realized three things: Her whole body was aching from the position she had slept in, her brain was buzzing and her living room was spinning like crazy.

The second time she tried to open her eyes she momentarily succeeded but had to shut them down almost completely because the light coming through the window was burning her retinas.

When her sight was a little clearer, she spotted Tony next to her looking carefully at what she was doing. Ziva took her arm away from Tony's chest and sat down straight. Her back cracked a little.

"Morning" he said, still watching her. She must have looked awful because his eye sight didn't leave her for a moment. "Hi Tony" she answered, trying to control the buzzing her brain made her feel.

"How did you sleep last night?" Tony asked, moving his hand from Ziva's back and trying to regain blood flow again. "Not exactly the most comfortable, but not bad. And with a lot of weight off my shoulders" she said and smiled shyly at him while delivering that last sentence. He smiled the most charming DiNozzo smiled he could possibly have and said "Thank you for opening up to me. I know it's not easy for you Ziva". She nodded and looked at her lap. She didn't dare meet his eyes. After a while she broke the silence. "Complicated runs in the family" she quoted him and smiled to herself, as if laughing of her own joke.

She got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and offered one to her partner. "No, thanks" he said "I should be heading back…. Unless you want me to stay here? It's not like I have a job to get to" he told her and smiled, kind of hoping she still needed him but not daring to push his luck.

"No, you can go. I am fine, Tony" she said, returning to where he was standing in her living room. She stood right in front of him, invading his personal space, like she always did. He gave her one of those _come on, Ziva, be honest_ look that he saved for her. She smiled, reassuringly. "Honestly, Tony. I am not kicking you out and putting my walls back up, I am merely saying you should go get some rest, I did my fair share of catharsis last night and I am sure you are sick of listening to me" she took a deep breath. "Nonetheless, I really appreciate that you stayed and listened. That you were… patient with me. Thank you" she planted a sweet kiss in his cheek.

He smiled as he realized she was telling the truth. She was not shutting him down; she was just tired and did need some physical space. But he needed to know one last thing . "Do you think your 'walls' are gonna stay down or do you plan on putting them back up anytime soon?" He didn't mean to sound rude or annoyed, but he needed to know. Ziva didn't take it as an offence as she'd been wondering whether or not Tony would ask her something like that. She smirked a little. "No, I guess there's no point in putting any walls up now. I told you my whole life, Tony. I need you to understand that. I have never shared that much with anyone. This is important to me, Tony. No more walls." She said.

He couldn't help but question their relationship again. Was there so-called friendship something else to her too or was he just imaging it? He chose not to pursue the subject as it would probably lead to a fight and a heartbreak.

He disregarded all of the what ifs and decided to live in the right here right now Ziva was offering. 'One step at a time' he thought. She had let him inside her soul and that was huge for Ziva David. He would gladly take that. "Thank you" he said, at last. "For letting me in". She nodded as he planted a kiss on her cheek that lasted a little longer that hers had. But she didn't stop it.

"I'll see you later, Ziva" he said, turning to open the door and leaving.

For the first time in her life, she felt relieved she had someone she could truly trust. She needed to let herself trust again. And so her world was starting to heal a little.

* * *

That morning, Tim McGee woke up knowing exactly what to do. He had planned it the night before, as he sat down in front of his typewriter and stared at the blank piece of paper. His hero was in danger and needed help, so Tim was going to do exactly that. He had gotten up from his chair and walked straight to his old laptop. That one would have to do it. He wiped it clean and hid his I.P address as best as he could. He was great at this, and so he woke his inner Gibbs and listened to his gut. He knew what he had to do. He knew Tony and Ziva would agree with him, but he would call them when he had something solid. Now he needed to work.

So when Tim woke up and poured himself a cup of coffee he turned his computer on and started hacking into the NCIS encrypted files. He would hack into Vance if it was necessary. He only hoped he wouldn't get caught, for trying to save Gibbs from behind bars would be a little more difficult.


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE: This chapter is a flashforward but don't worry, I have no intention of skipping 4 months. I WILL fill in the gaps, I'm just playing a little with the time sequences.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

*FOUR MONTHS LATER*

Tony DiNozzo was starting to wonder if all of this was a mistake. Granted, maybe _mistake_ was too harsh. He had jumped into it head first and didn't regret it one bit. If he had to do it all over again, he would have made the same decision. So it wasn't a mistake after all… But maybe he would've had approached it a bit… differently.

That was what had him on edge. He knew he had taken a big risk when this happened four months ago, right after his partner opened up to him. He smiled to the memory of that night, and the woman clinging to his arm as they walked down the street on a Friday night stared at him.

She was wearing a short black dress and a leather jacket that matched, showing her curly hair down, the way Tony liked it best. He was comfortable in one of his favorite suits, flashing one of his charming DiNozzo smiles she knew all too well.

"Why are you so happy, Tony?" Ziva David asked distrustful of Tony's sudden joy. "No reason Ziva, just remembering something" "What?" she inquired, an eyebrow raised.

Suddenly, they stopped moving. He looked in the direction of the alley behind him and Ziva sharpened her ninja hearing. Tony opened his mouth to speak. "Shhh" she ordered him to shut up, placing her index finger over his lips. "I think I heard something".

Tony was struggling between having to focus for a possible ambush and the heat that radiated from where Ziva's finger still was. They both stayed silent for what it felt like a lifetime. He couldn't hear anything but the beat of his own heart that was rising. Ziva, keeping her finger over Tony's lips, closed her eyes and tried to focus her senses. Tony watched her closely like a hawk, memorizing every detail on her beautiful and familiar face.

A few seconds later, when she was satisfied that there was no ambush, she opened her eyes and found Tony staring at her with marvel. She smirked at him, a small gesture that meant they were safe. "What?" she inquired. "I just haven't seen your ninja senses tickle in a while. I forgot how adorable you looked" he dropped the comment casually. She arched an eyebrow at him again as they resumed their walk. "Adorable?" she acted slightly offended, leading one hand to her heart. "I am a trained assassin, Tony. Adorable does not apply to me". He laughed at her comment and took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. She looked at him slightly amused at the amount of confidence her partner was showing, but didn't say a word. "Come on, we got somewhere to be tonight and we don't wanna be late, David". She nodded as he led the way.

* * *

Tim McGee was typing as fast as his fingers allowed him to. He was sleep deprived, and on the verge of falling onto the keyboard. But he wanted to finish what he had started before calling it a night. He had to. Gibbs' life probably depended on it, and that was to say something.

He took a deep breath, adjusted his eyesight back to the screen and went back to hacking the top secret file that had led his boss to his dangerous mission after himself, Tony and Ziva had resigned.

He briefly wondered about them. They hadn't been in touch for a while now and Tim felt responsible. He hoped they were okay.

A sudden noise interrupted his line of thought, and it took him a full minute to realize it was the door bell. McGee froze but quickly gathered his thoughts. He shut his screen as he went to open the door.

He had his hand on the handle, and right before he was about to open, a voice coming from the other side of the door made him jump. "McGee, open up! I know you're there, I need to talk to you!" Abby yelled. He relaxed and opened the door, smiling.

Abby didn't even stop to greet him. Instead, she rushed inside his apartment as he shut the door. "WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING?!" she started screaming, pointing an accusing finger at him the whole time.

McGee looked surprised. What the hell was Abby talking about? She pinched him in the arm. "Ouch! Abby!" he rubbed his arm where she had hurt him. "Don't play innocent with me, Timothy McGee. I want the truth, and I want it now." She sounded really upset.

"Abby, calm down. Have a seat" He pointed at the couch behind her. She stared at him for a second, measuring either his honesty, his tiredness or something else. McGee wasn't sure. Abby sat down quietly, still staring at him, and he pulled a chair to be in front of her.

"Timmy, did you hack into Vance's office?" she blurted. "What? Why? No." he answer, a little too fast to sound even close to convincing. He sighed as he realized how bad a liar he was. "Abby, the less you know, the better". "McGee, I already know, that's the thing! But Vance is about to find out too!" she raised her voice again.

McGee panicked, and he showed it in his face. "He suspects something weird is going on. He went down to the cyber unit to ask for help or something. Jimmy told me" she added when she saw his face. "Why didn't he ask you? He's gotta trust you more than them" McGee naively wondered.

"Because, Timmy, I didn't come here to warn you. I came here to help." She said with a smile. McGee looked surprised. "What? You think I haven't been keeping a tag on Gibbs' file for the last four months?" she smirked. "If Leroy Jethro Gibbs needs our help I'm even willing to ignore the fact that you chose to leave me out. Again" she dared him to say a word. "Abby. You're amazing" McGee couldn't find better words to describe his friend's timing and willingness to do anything for their boss. He kissed her cheek and stood up.

He went to the next room and brought a second laptop he had wiped clean just in case. "Let's get to work, I have a lot to tell you" he said with a smiled as she pulled a chair next to him. "Start talking McGee" Abby looked at him briefly, before she herself started typing, overwriting the NCIS's firewalls.


End file.
